There’s a phrase from the Haggadah that I have glossed over every Passover, but this year, as I prepare for the seder, it struck me.
We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt and the Lord our God brought us out from there with a strong hand and with an outstretched arm (Deuteronomy 26:8).
When I read these words “a strong hand and an outstretched arm” I imagine God’s powerful intervention in the liberation story of the Jewish people. I usually skip over this section of the Haggadah to get to the parts that seem more relevant to my life as a parent: The Four Questions, the Four Children, and Dayenu.
With the help of my teacher, Yiscah Smith, and her explanation of Rav Kook’s teaching on the Haggadah, the concept of a strong hand and outstretched arm is deep and wise for parents and represents two modes that we find ourselves in. Rav Kook writes,
A strong hand refers to the sudden, dramatic intervention of God in our history, which immediately catapulted us from the depths of depravity in Egypt to the spiritual heights of Mount Sinai. But this is only one aspect of divine history. In addition to the revolution of the “strong hand,” there must also be the evolution symbolized by the outstretched arm. The arm is outstretched, meaning that the potential yet awaits its actualization.
Just as the enslaved Israelites needed to be shaken out of their mindset of slavery so that they could walk the long walk toward freedom, our children sometimes need our strong intervention as well. The idea fits squarely in the endless conversation we all have around boundary-setting.
A strong hand is the move that can shake a child out of a sensibility they are stuck in or that is harmful. It is the clear ‘No!’. An outstretched arm, by contrast, reflects a more gentle and continuous motion. It says, “Yes! I am here for you for the long haul as you figure things out. It will take time for you to understand how the decisions you make will help or harm you along the path to your own actualization. I will always be here to guide you.”
Our strong hand moves our children away from danger or a mindset that diminishes them and our outstretched arm reminds our kids that we see infinite potential in them and we are eager to walk alongside them.
As you prepare for your seder this week, I invite you to hold both of these images together. Our strong hands and outstretched arms are the tools we have to guide our children. May we always remember that every “no!” we declare is in the service of a much bigger “yes!” — the outstretched arm that accompanies them on their path toward their own self-actualization.
Warm wishes for a meaningful Passover ahead,
Dasee
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